Part 4. The Energy of Authentic Happiness in Your Relationships
“Don’t expect a relationship to make you happy. Relationships exist for the purpose of helping you experience the great adventures in life.”
When two people in a relationship get together, they exchange conscious energy with each other via their personality temperaments. A simple method to help understand similarities and differences between them in thinking preferences is to compare each partner’s personality temperament rankings as shown in Figure 3.1. Where personality temperaments match, the two people are likely to think similarly in that area of consciousness. Where temperaments differ, they are more likely to have differences in how they think about things. Partners naturally get along well with each other where temperaments match. Differing personality temperaments are opportunities to learn from each other but can also be areas of disagreement and conflict. When conflict appears in a relationship (and it always does sooner or later), partners who have developed their ability to rise above personality differences into Higher Consciousness, where spiritual values are respected between them, have developed a great asset in maintaining harmony and happiness in their relationship.
Dominant personality pairings typically have the most impact on a relationship. Matching dominant temperaments indicate natural similarities in the highest-ranking thinking preference of each partner. As a result, partners with matching dominant personality temperaments are likely to naturally get along well together much of the time. Partners with matching dominant and 2nd temperaments will naturally get along well even more of the time. Partners with matching dominant, 2nd, 3rd and 4th temperaments (this is relatively rare) will think very much alike and will naturally get along well together almost all of the time.
Differing dominant personality temperament pairings gives a relationship interest and variety. This offers the opportunity for each partner to learn a different way of thinking about things from the other partner and is often useful when partners work together on something of mutual interest – like raising children for example. Partners who bring a different perspective on issues need to learn the art of compromise on how they handle conflicts and disagreements in their relationship to help keep it together. Compromise requires each partner being able to rise above their individual egos and work together to deal with issues they think differently about.
Participants learn to recognize personality similarities and differences in others and how to use that understanding to get along better with the important relationships in their life such as: family members, friends, teachers, bosses, co-workers, children, in-laws, romantic partners, in short, with anyone. As homework, each participant constructs a “Personality Family Tree” that contains the dominant personality temperaments of each member of their family. This is a highly effective way to help understand family differences and what they could do to improve relationships within their family.
In order for partners in a relationship, any kind of a relationship, to become more compatible in their personalities, they could choose to work on stretching or relaxing any of their individual personality temperaments to better match with those of the other person. This process begins by having each person take a Personality Self-Assessment. Individual personality temperament scores are then plotted on a Personality Temperament Spectrum Chart for both partners as in Figure 3.2. Where individual scores for each temperament are within 3.5 of each other, partners are considered to be compatible in how they think in that area of consciousness. Scores that are different by more than 3.5 are considered to think differently in that area of consciousness. Partners desiring to become more compatible in personality can choose to work on stretching or relaxing their individual personality temperament preferences to bring them closer to their partner. There are many ways presented in the course that an individual can stretch or relax one or more of their personality temperaments. This has the benefit of helping to balance individual temperaments while at the same time increase personality compatibility in the relationship. Both lead to increased levels of authentic happiness in their life.
In the example Relationship Personality Compatibility Assessment of Figure 3.2, partners could become more compatible in their personalities as follows: Partner A could work on relaxing their Thinker temperament and stretching their Sensor temperament; Partner B could work on stretching their Thinker temperament and relaxing their Sensor temperament. This might take years, but as they grow together they would be increasing the levels of authentic happiness in each person’s life.
Chakra compatibility in a relationship is revealed by placing the Chakra Balance Diagrams of each partner side-by-side and comparing conscious energy levels of balance between corresponding chakras. Chakra compatibility is considered to be present in a relationship wherever corresponding chakras are both in balance. This is shown in the Relationship Chakra Compatibility Assessment example of Figure 3.3.
Where corresponding chakras match in a Relationship Chakra Compatibility Assessment but are both “overdeveloped”, partners are likely to exchange too much conscious energy between them in this area of consciousness, leading to possible competition and eventual burnout in their relationship. Where chakras match but are both “underdeveloped”, partners don’t have much conscious energy to exchange in that area of consciousness, finding little of mutual interest there. Where corresponding chakras are both matched and balanced, relatively equal amounts of conscious energy will naturally be radiating between them. This is where chakra compatibility is found.
Where corresponding chakras differ, it is likely that there will be a net flow of conscious energy from the chakra with the higher level of conscious energy to the chakra with the lower level of conscious energy, much like thermal energy naturally radiates from objects of higher temperature to those of lower temperature. Differing chakras may facilitate learning and growth in a relationship, but could eventually cause one of the partners to either “back away from the heat” or to simply “lose interest”. Partners who want to keep their relationship interesting, vital, exciting and alive need to consciously work on developing and maintaining chakra compatibility between them.
Increasing Chakra Compatibility between Harry and Sally Looking
at the Relationship Chakra Compatibility Assessment example between Harry and Sally in Figure 3.3, we are able to see how the conscious energy of their relationship fits together. We can also see how they could increase chakra compatibility in their relationship while at the same time increase balance in their individual chakras:
- Harry’s individual Chakra Balance Diagram reveals he is balanced in his Sacral, Voice and Mind chakras. However, he is overdeveloped in his Ground and Solar Plexus chakras, and underdeveloped in his Heart and Crown chakras. From an individual point of view, he could increase chakra balance in his life by lowering conscious energy in his Heart and Crown chakras while increasing conscious energy in his Ground and Solar Plexus chakras. This would lead to greater levels of authentic happiness within himself.
- Harry’s underdeveloped Heart and Crown chakras could be keeping him from developing a deeper and more conscious relationship with Sally. He could stretch his “lower” Feeler temperament to open up more with Sally and become more emotionally intimate with her. He could also choose to stretch his spiritual temperament of Higher Consciousness to bring more positive conscious energy of spiritual love into their relationship. This will require Harry to learn to let go of his ego as much as possible when interacting with Sally.
- Harry could choose to lower the conscious energy level in his overdeveloped chakra of Solar Plexus. Lowering conscious energy in his Solar Plexus might help Harry decrease stress in his life. Balancing Harry’s Solar Plexus chakra by relaxing his “upper” Intuitor temperament would bring more chakra compatibility into his relationship with Sally, who is already balanced in her Solar Plexus chakra.
- Harry could also work on balancing his overdeveloped Ground chakra by relaxing his Sensor temperament. Since Sally is also overdeveloped in her Ground chakra, unless more balance is achieved here, this could become an area of competition and conflict between them.
- Sally’s individual Chakra Balance Diagram shows that she is balanced in her Mind, Voice and Solar Plexus chakras. She is overdeveloped in her Ground and Heart chakras, and underdeveloped in her Sacral and Crown chakras. To increase “authentic happiness” in her life, she could choose to work on lowering conscious energy in her overdeveloped Ground and Heart chakras while also working on increasing conscious energy in her underdeveloped Sacral and Crown chakras.
- Sally could lower conscious energy in her overdeveloped Ground chakra that could be causing tension with Harry. She could also choose to lower conscious energy in her overdeveloped Heart chakra to bring more individual balance and chakra compatibility with Harry. An overdeveloped Heart chakra can become overwhelming and suffocating to a significant partner over time, especially someone like Harry who is underdeveloped in that area of consciousness.
- Sally could also choose to increase conscious energy in her sacral chakra. This is a conscious decision to become more compatible with Harry in this area of consciousness. This decision is likely to increase the probability for romance and sexual intimacy in their relationship.
- If Sally wants this to become a loving and lasting relationship, she should choose to bring more spirituality into her life. Harry should work on this too. This is a potential area in their relationship where both Harry and Sally could grow together. By increasing chakra compatibility in their Crown chakras, they are consciously developing their ability to rise above their egos into the state of being in Higher Consciousness. This is the definition of a “conscious relationship”, the foundation of a loving and lasting relationship – perhaps even lasting for a lifetime.
Achieving Authentic Happiness in Your Relationships
Relationship research has revealed that the most common reasons for a relationship to end are a lack of effective communication and a lack of higher consciousness. A lack of effective communication is characterized as incompatibility between Voice chakras, the centers of communication and truth. Partners who are not honest with each other or simply don’t care are not likely to stay together for very long. A lack of higher consciousness in a relationship is the result of incompatibility in Crown chakras. Partners who remain locked in their ego-based fears are not likely to last either. Thus, the foundation for keeping a relationship together over a long period of time is developing and maintaining compatibility between Voice and Crown chakras. This is the definition of a “conscious relationship”. A conscious relationship is one in which partners are always open and honest with each other, and have developed their ability to rise above individual egos to implement spiritual values of Higher Consciousness between them. This is the key to developing a relationship that lasts – perhaps even for a lifetime.
The more chakras that become compatible in a relationship, the greater will be the potential for authentic happiness to develop. Thus, the goal of authentic happiness in a relationship is to reach compatibility between as many of the seven chakras as possible (see Figure 3.4). It is not actually necessary to reach the goal of compatibility between all of your corresponding chakras to become authentically happy in your relationship. It is only necessary that you and your partner are consciously working on it.
By Veeder South, Ph.D.